... writing. There was a time in my life when things were most turbulent, yet in the spaces between the chaos, I was able to find my breath and feel at peace with myself. And I owed it all to writing. Reflecting and journaling was a necessity and I was often with pen in hand, scribbling away. Poetry poured out of me, sometimes quicker than I could capture it in ink. It was painful, exciting, and incredibly freeing. It has been at least 3 years since I've even seen my journal (it's still packed away from our last move) and it's been at least 5 years since I've actually written in it. I just miss purging my thoughts onto something tangible.. something that made sense of all the rattling noise in my head. I suppose this chapter in my life doesn't demand much of a transcript. The noise is gone, the pain is gone. There's no longer the urgent need to pull at strands to piece together meaning. I've since turned to other forms of expression (taking a million photos, for instance) and am at a higher level of appreciation for simplicity, and what's truly important. Having children will do that to you. :) So while I'm at a happier, more stable place in my life, I miss the openness and readiness for inspiration that vulnerability afforded... and the way I was able to lose and find myself in writing. But pen and paper will always be my comforting friends, and when time can stop for a few seconds, I'm sure they will be the first two things I reach for.
What about you.. what do you miss?
P.S. Thank you to my dear friend Ashley (OneInTheHand) for inspiring this post with her post!
4 comments:
beautiful post Ngan - I especially love "There's no longer the urgent need to pull at strands to piece together meaning" ... I miss the poetry some days, too
xo
Thanks so much, Cat. The poetry was definitely a gift for me at that time. Although I miss it, I certainly wouldn't trade the past for what I have here and now.. not in a million years. :)
It's always beautiful to listen to your words. What do I miss. I always miss places since I move around a lot. Right now I miss Tokyo, where i performed with my band for 3 month.
Thanks, Iris.. so nice to see you! :) What an amazing opportunity to be able to perform in Tokyo for 3 months! I bet you have wonderful memories.. it's bittersweet, but it's better to miss places you've visited/lived than never getting the chance to be there, right? ;)
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